(By Matt Konopka) On Monday, Netflix surprised horror fans with one last Halloween treat, a small collection of short films entitled Don't Watch This. For this anthology, Netflix asked filmmakers to bring them their most vile, unwatchable pieces of macabre entertainment, hence the title...
...Netflix has already been killing it this October with releases such as The Haunting of Hill House, The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, and Castlevania, but there can never be too much horror for us fans to sink our teeth into, and so Don't Watch This is a welcome collection of grisly shorts.
With Netflix daring us not to watch these shorts because of their disturbing nature, I thought, challenge accepted! Below, you'll find a ranking from least to most gag-inducing, in regards to just how well each film fared in making me want to curl up in a ball and suck on my thumb. This is NOT a ranking of favorites among the shorts, though this list isn't that dissimilar from what that ranking would be.
#5: Antoni Psycho
From: The executive producers of Queer Eye
Synopsis: Affluent and handsome Antoni (Antoni Porowski) shares dark secrets of his sound health and glowing skin.
Verdict: This is easily the most disappointing of the bunch, on all levels. Not only is Antoni Psycho about as tame as it gets, (a shot of what the audience can only assume is an organ does not a queasy experience make), but it gets extra points docked off for being a "spoof" of American Psycho without anything original to add, or really even poke fun at. This feels more like a straight ripoff of the opening scene to that film rather than a "homage".
From: Propagate Content, the executive producers of Haunted
Synopsis: A dark web operator gets trapped in a deadly online puzzle.
Verdict: CTRL+ALT+DEL goes for the gross out, with images of ooey gooey pus bubbling out of our prideful heroe's face like mutated pimple guts, but other than that, this is one that had the potential to really deliver something truly nasty, yet falls short. At least the effects look great (as can be seen by the makeup job on the villain above).
#3: Keep Out
From: Crypt TV
Synopsis: When two friends investigate an old house notorious for murders, things don't quite go as expected.
Verdict: The term "unwatchable" can mean many things, whether something be gross, disturbing, or just flat out frightening. Keep Out falls into the latter category. There are a few moments of nasty bloodshed, but where Keep Out really succeeds is in providing a decently scary short with some effectively ghastly creatures. You may not have to look away, but those with weaker composure might have to scream.
Synopsis: A nightmare composed of terrifying bodily gore, surreal imagery, and creepy otherworldly creatures.
Verdict: Incommodum is about as "film school" as the title suggests, yet gets the job done when it comes to making you squirm in your seat. Playing out like the video from The Ring, Incommodum is a random sequence of gag-inducing imagery with no relation to each other other than banding together to make you sick. Bizarre and weird are terms that only begin to describe...whatever the hell this is. Best not to watch while eating.
#1: Friendship Bracelet
From: Crypt TV
Synopsis: Lonely Julie (Acacia Angelita Marquez) goes to deadly lengths to make two popular girls at school her best friends.
Verdict: Ah, the creme de la creme, the piece de resistance, the most unwatchable of the shorts in Don't Watch This, Friendship Bracelet is not only the best short in the series, it's also the most fucked up. Before you get too excited, even this one is relatively easy to digest (none of these shorts are "unwatchable"), but this one is filled with atmosphere and a wonderfully creepy performance by Marquez that will have audiences grimacing before they even know what's hit them. Note: Those with a phobia towards needles might end up crying.
Don't Watch This is now streaming on Netflix.
By Matt Konopka